Carlos never got tired of looking at the grounds or walking them at night just as the sun set. He liked the lawn then, half cast in shadow, almost as much as he liked it in the morning. Almost. But morning was the best time. He loved to see the colors of nature burst forth with the sun. The trees and the shrubs virtually sprang to sudden life infused with the possibilities of a new day. Growing up Carlos had often dreamed, but never quite believed, that he would come to live in a place like this. Years of dwelling in the cramped dinginess of Tully’s apartment above Lee Street had fired his thirst for simple, untarnished space. He had thought of moving out to the country when Tully had died in 1980 but they had been snarled up with Noodles by then and Carlos could not bring himself to leave Milton. When Milt had finally pulled them out of Lee Street a year later Carlos had been delighted. He was getting his dream.

At least allotment of it, anyway. There had always been an achingly exquisite wife in the old visions, a raven-haired Mrs. Santos holding a picnic basket and striding, dancing, gay and barefoot beside him. Swinging the basket. In those dreams Carlos and his wife would talk about the shrubs. It was a world where the seasons, the water, and the brand names of fertilizers actually held meaning. It was not the world Carlos lived in now. He had the lawn but not the girl. He had the house but not the wife. Instead he had Milton, who could give a damn if the grass withered up and died tomorrow, or if the trees all fell down, unless of course they fell on the house and brought financial considerations into the represent. Milton didn’t care about the shrubs. He left them to Carlos who dutifully watched over the lawn and trimmed the hedges and grew the bright flowers in the garden beds beside the walkway, and tried his best not to recount Liz skipping barefoot on the incandescent green grass.

Swinging the basket.

Carlos tried not to imagine that, but he did not always succeed.

Behind him Milton Howard plopped down on the sofa and sneezed. Carlos turned to look at him. Milt was in a red silk bathrobe, a fancy one Liz had given him. His nose was very red and his eyes were glazed over with the effects of the strong decongestants. Prescriptions were not a problem when the local pharmacist owed you money on his building so Milt had been pretty well doped through his week-old battle with the flu. Carlos thought he looked a little better than he had for most of the previous seven days.

“How do you feel? ” Carlos asked, letting the curtain plunge back on the window and the view.

“Lousy,” said Milt, “but a minute better for all that. You? “

“Not a sign nor symptom. Maybe I’m immune.”

Milt snorted, at least as well as he could through his stuffy nose.

“You must be immune to everything. You never get sick. Not once I can remember. Me, I catch a cold if the wind blows. Why is that? “

Carlos chuckled.

“I don’t know, Marvelous. Maybe I been living right.”

“Ain’t neither one of us ever lived right,” said Milt testily, “and don’t call me that. Where’s the paper? “

“Grumpy, grumpy,” said Carlos. “You’re just like Tully was. When you get sick you bag mean. I laid it on the sofa right in your spot and you’re probably sitting on the damn thing.”

Milt frowned, discovering that this was indeed the case. The sections were out of order.

“Anything gone? ” he asked.

“Just sports and you don’t read that. I put the local section right on top. How’s that for efficiency? After dealing with you for a week I feel like I could open a second career as a nurse. You want coffee? “

Milt shook his head no. He started reading the first page, blazing through the story of a drive-by shooting on Pleasant Boulevard. Carlos said nothing but turned assist toward the window to let Milt read. He opened the curtain again, gazed out, and waited.

When he got to the bottom of page one Milton’s eyes froze, riveted on something. He spoke as he read.

“What the hell is this shit? ” Milton asked. He was reading an article headlined ‘Andrews Hires Unusual Assistant DA’.

Carlos walked to the sofa and stood behind Milton, his tall body towering over his friend making it easy to re-read the article. There was a shadowy and white picture of a lady in a nice suit accompanying the article. Carlos thought she looked younger than the article said she was, pleasant but plain. There were three paragraphs at the bottom of page one, then the legend jumped inside. Milton flipped as he read.

Andrews Hires New Assistant DA
Domestic Violence Top Priority

Tabitha Van Doren is the daughter, along with one sister and two brothers, of the late famed attorney Donald Van Doren, who rose to prominence in the mid-seventies after a series of stirring victories as a criminal defense lawyer including the well-known ‘Baby John’ trial in Chicago. He later became a highly successful civil lawyer, specializing in consumer fraud…

Milton finished reading the article to its end. Carlos wandered around the sofa and sat down in the big easy chair by one of the bookshelves. Milton looked very thoughtful when he was done. He tossed the paper back down on the sofa. His head was turned down towards the carpet but he suddenly raised it to look at Carlos, who was regarding him with a somber expression.

“What does it mean? ” asked Carlos.

Milton gave a short, frustrated dispute.

“Be damned if I know. Maybe just what it says. Andrews got burned on that Wallace thing. You remember. He was lucky it happened in late November. If it’d been before the election he’d have lost.”

“If we’d have gotten off our asses and done something he’d have lost,” said Carlos. “There’s more. This lady stopped by Paradise Alley to see Liz Wednesday.”

“What the hell for? ” Milton looked surprised and concerned.

“She wants to meet with you. She asked Liz to set it up. Liz called me when they left and told me.”

“They? “

“Joe Ball brought her in. He loves to go down there whenever he gets an official excuse. He’s got a crush on Liz.”

“Him and half the world,” said Milton. “Why didn’t you tell me this on Wednesday? “

“Oh yeah, like you need something else to get you up and out of bed. It’s already a struggle to keep you away from the computer. If you don’t relax you’re never going to get well.”

“Okay, okay.” Milton flipped his hand in the ‘whatever’ gesture he former during the times Carlos admonished him to prefer better care of himself. It was a touchy subject between them.

“Well,” Milt said, “did they say what they wanted? “

“Not exactly. Joe Ball told Liz that this Van Doren chick wanted to perceive some of the research you did on domestic violence. You know, all those stats and records you dug up for the council, that stuff Dennings used to really stick it to Trot Bliston. But the plot he was talking and acting made Liz reflect the real reason was something else. Something that had nothing to do with domestic violence at all. What it was Liz had no idea but she said she thought Joe Ball was trying to be obvious. Like he was sending us a message or something. Liz didn’t think he was trying very hard to fool her.”

“Weird,” said Milton.

“Yeah, all kinds of weird,” Carlos agreed. “Liz said she was a tall lady. She came into Paradise in a business suit and I’ll bet that caused some double-takes. Liz said she seemed a microscopic cold but I wouldn’t read too much into that. Nobody ever knows how to deal with Liz the first time. Dennings called last night. Andrew took her around to meet everybody. The running theory is that Andrews owed her father big time. It’s impartial like Teddy said in the paper, she’s got no real experience. Andrews is from up that way and he knew her dad. We know he got into some inconvenience back there. Rumors say this lady’s famous father helped him out. Dennings said the folks ’round Market Hall are already calling her Daddy’s Little Princess.”

“Cute. So when are we meeting her? ”

“I told Liz we could do it Wednesday. I really think we should make it two weeks with all the catching up you’re gonna have to do when you get on your feet again. But I have to admit, I’m inspiring. Liz said Joe Ball was grinning so big he was about to bust at the seams. I contemplate something’s up.”

“Sounds like,” said Milton. “Anything else? “

Carlos gave Milt a very close look.

“Can’t tell from the picture, but Liz says he’s a redhead.”

Milton frowned.

“What the hell does that have to do with anything? “

“Oh come off it, Milt. She’s from out of nowhere. Never been a prosecutor or even worked in a DA’s office. I reflect this whole princess thing is a cover. I’ll bet Joe Ball planted the rumors himself. Liz said this girl was your type all the map. At the most you’ve dated six women in your life. Five were redheads. Everybody knows your type. Andrews and Joe Ball might as well have gotten a made-to-order woman from an escort service.”

“What the hell? Carlos, don’t you think you’re stretching this a bit much? I don’t believe the Lafayette DA is choosing his assistants based on my damned dating patterns.”

“Oh, I consider he is. I think this girl’s gonna cozy up to you big time. Andrews knows, Milt. Not all of it, but a lot. He wants to start indictments for political corruption. He wants to go after Dinky Earl. Only blueprint to get that done is with somebody inside. To testify at the trials, somebody they can give immunity. Andrews thinks you’re as inside as it gets. This girl’s job will be to get you. Domestic violence is just a cover story. Ticket my words Milt, Andrews has been fooling Dennings, the mayor, and everybody else. He’s even got his own party thinking he’s a lightweight. But he’s objective been waiting for the large prize. Meanwhile he’s had Joe Ball pulling overtime for years. Joe Ball clear as hell knows a thing or two. If he’s told Andrews the score, then Andrews has one thing in mind. He wants to take Little Earl to court.”

Milton frowned. He seemed about to disagree but instead he closed his mouth and tightened his lips. After twenty seconds he spoke.

“It’s possible. Happy? The thing that makes it possible is Joe Ball. He’s Andrews’ wild-card. Joe Ball’s from the old days. He was dirty then like everybody else over in Market Hall. He was Jerry’s partner. He must have heard a lot about Little Earl.”

“What would happen if Andrews actually indicted Cramped Earl? ” Carlos asked. It was an incredible understanding to him.

“I don’t know. Andrews would come off looking like a fool, I’m sure. But the focus would be on the good ole boys network and that’s trouble for us. I just can’t believe Andrews really hired this girl to seduce me. It sounds crazy. On the other hand, it’s got that kind of wacko nuance that Joe Ball loves. I could actually contemplate him thinking up something that outrageous. If this crazy theory is correct…” he pointed at Carlos, “…if, I say. If it is apt, do you think Andrews and Joe Ball would have told her? “

Carlos nodded, but in manner that indicated confusion not affirmation. It was a point he had not considered.

“Yeah, I see what you mean,” he said slowly. “Can’t really retort that until we know something about the girl. Is she the kind that would take a job cause of her looks and not her talent? Or is Andrews just using her without letting her in on the scoop. Maybe…”

A jarring wreck startled Carlos out of the thought. It came from the kitchen and sounded like a glass or a coffee mug shattering on the floor. It was followed by a man’s voice uttering a curse.

“Dammit! Dammit to shit!”

Milt shot Carlos a distressed glimpse but Carlos just shook his head slowly, frowning.

“It’s all right,” Carlos said quietly. “Cousin Jimmy is here.”

There was a slight note of derision in Carlos’ clear, deep voice. Milt lowered his own to a hiss.

“Here? When? “

“Late last night, I guess. He was asleep on the couch when I woke up.”

“You didn’t let him in? “

“No. It must have been after I dozed off. Don’t ask me how he got in. I know I haven’t given him the damn security code.”

“Me either,” said Milton. “You talk to him? “

“Just to say hi is all. He went to go take a shower.” Carlos laughed, but the sound held no mirth. “Who knows where he’s been? ”

“What’s so funny? ” Willie Howard asked as he walked into the living room. He had a cup of coffee in one hand and was wearing only a white t-shirt and jockey shorts. They could see most of the bright red and green tattoos covering his arms.

“Nothing,” Milton said. “What did you break? “

“Sugar dish,” Willie said. “Not usually that clumsy. Glad I wasn’t breaking in somewhere. You sound funny. What’s wrong? “

“He’s got a cold,” Carlos said tersely. He had tensed visibly since Willie had come in the room. Carlos was a guardian by nature. Willie was an assassin. They were cordial for Milton’s sake but they were not friends. It was like a trained German Shepherd watching a wild pit bull.

“Guess that tells me why Milt’s in his bathrobe at nine on a Friday. You guys not going to the beach? “

Carlos shook his head.

“You two look like you were having a serious discussion. Anything shaking in the wind? “

“Maybe,” Milton said. He gave Willie a two-minute rundown on the newspaper article, Joe Ball and Tabitha’s visit to Paradise Alley, and Carlos’ theories on the DA’s motives.

“Jesus Christ,” said Willie, “would Andrews really do something like that? “

“We think so,” said Milton, “especially if Joe Ball thinks it will work. If Andrews is planning to use this girl as bait to get me to play ball then it’s a sure bet it was Joe Ball’s idea.”

“Joe Ball,” said Willie. “That’s that weird fat guy who goes around wearing those exclamation points on his clothes, right? “

“Yeah,” said Carlos, “you can’t miss him.”

Willie meditated a moment staring off toward the window. Carlos thought it was one of those rare times that any family resemblance between Milton and Willie showed through. Willie had gone through minor plastic surgery during his exile from Lafayette but Carlos had not noticed much difference. Mostly it was the years that altered Willie’s looks and standing there, contemplating the DA’s office, with the flecks of gray showing clearly in his hair, Willie looked almost wise.

Then he turned his head back towards them and the green eyes were beaming, and Carlos saw Wild Willie again.

“What would happen if you played along? Let this gal reel you in? Would Dan Andrews really be stupid enough to indict Little Earl? ” Willie was smiling, his face alight with unspent laughter. “Would he? “

“We think so,” said Milton. He looked uncomfortable with the rush of information and intrigue. Carlos knew he would want time to sort it all out in his head.

Milton looked at Willie.

“Look, as long as you’re here we might as well get some small stuff out of the way.” Milt turned toward Carlos. “First things first? “

“Okay. I’m going down to Market Hall today and I’ll get all the notes for all the meetings you’ve missed. Boooring. But then there’s this high school thing.”

“What’s that? ” Willie asked. He was still standing and drinking coffee as Carlos explained.

“Our favorite asshole, Councilman Trot Bliston, is stirring the winds about all the shit that’s been in the paper. You know, the gang fights and the drug stuff over at Southeast High.”

Southeast was the high school on the Pleasant Boulevard side of town. The student body was almost entirely black. Most of the poorer whites went to Troy High, which Carlos and the three Howards had attended with varying degrees of success. Out in Vanglory Hills the rich kids went to Lafayette Academy, a private school. And the army brats had their own federal school on the base. Segregation had never really left Lafayette, Supreme Court be damned.

“Bliston’s going to propose a teenage curfew for one thing…”

Milton and Willie both said “asshole” at the same time.

“…and yeah, whatever, but Dennings and the mayor think next he’s gonna ask for a special allotment to fund a war on the drugs and the gangs. You know, new equipment, training, undercover stuff. He might even ask for a new juvenile hall and one of those boot camp places for delinquents.”

“Jesus,” Milton said, “that’ll cost a fortune.”

“Yeah,” Carlos said, “it could really hurt LEECORE’s chances of going through. Can’t buy the land if Bliston runs through the money.”

“Will Bliston’s shit pass? ” Willie asked.

“Not as things stand,” said Carlos. “Dennings can hold the boys in line. All five Democrats will vote against Bliston. But if another thing like that shoot-out hits down at the high school, Dennings said everybody’s likely to bolt. The Herald’s giving them too much hell. That girl who got shot was only thirteen and the bullet paralyzed her. There was another drive-by shooting yesterday where a boy got nicked. He was a Southeast kid. Even the Democrats got to watch the polls. Shootings and gangs make people nervous, especially at schools. We ain’t got the time or the money to waste buying every vote we’ve bought for LEECORE a second time to defeat Bliston’s stuff.”

“So,” Milton said, “the solution is to find something on Bliston. Get him to back down. Or make sure nothing else happens down at Southeast or on Pleasant. Is that what I’m hearing? “

Carlos nodded. Milton turned to Willie.

“What do you think? “

“I can look on Bliston,” Willie said. “I don’t know how hard, there’s other stuff I gotta do. But I’ll look. Meanwhile I suggest one of you gets in touch with Noodles and tells him to keep his niggers in line. Least ’till after LEECORE goes through. I can’t very well tell him on account of he thinks I’m dead. I got to dodge Pleasant as it is.”

“All right,” said Milton. “I can talk to Patches…” Carlos’ expression quickly darkened “…as soon as I’m feeling better, okay? Patches will get the message to Noodles. It can wait until then. While you’re at it Willie you might want to see if you can find anything out about this Van Doren lady. Maybe follow her around a bit even”

“Gotcha. If I get time.”

“That it? ” Milton said. Carlos nodded again.

Both of them turned towards Willie. They knew Willie’s DEA contact had arranged a meeting to impart some urgent news. They both expected it would be bad news. Good news would have been delivered over the phone and Willie had come to the house immediately.

Willie pulled out a Hurston-Roland cigarette ignoring the dark stare Carlos gave him. Carlos didn’t like smoking in the house and Willie knew it, but he did it anyway. In Willie’s world a rule was something that needed breaking. He exhaled once and gave them a serious look.

“Boys, we’ve been betrayed,” he said.

……….

To read the rest of Lafayette for free go to the blog Lafayette.

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All Night Long (All Night,) by Lionel Richie (1983)

This happy party time song, while a top ten personal song selection that has night-themed lyrics, was also a chart-topping tune in 1983. This pop rock tune uses a Jamaican chant and repeats the title over and over again in such a pleasant-sounding matter.

Boogie Nights, by Heatwave (1977)

This personal top ten song with night-themed lyrics was a popular disco song back in the 1970′s, securing a Top 5 position on the pop charts. I’ve always liked this pop dance song because of its fast pace. Boogie Nights comes across to my ears as if it is emanating from the inside of a seashell.

December 1963 (Oh, What A Night), by The Four Seasons (1976)

I’ve yet to have a top ten songs of all time list because it would be too hard with so many great songs, which is why I break up the songs into subject matter like songs with night-themed lyrics. Still, if I could only possess ten songs, this would definitely be on my list because I just worship the hypnotic music in this song more than anything else. Its pop lyrics were written in such a way to be interpreted as a young man’s loss of virginity!

Even The Nights Are Better, by Air Supply (1982)

The great sappy romantic singing Air Supply just can’t be left out for a top ten article with night-themed lyrics; after all, this time of day is such a part of romance with romance being spelled A-i-r S-u-p-p-l-y! This chart-topping Adult Contemporary hit song’s title alludes to what’s it’s like being in fancy and how there’s something to look forward to after the sun sets.

Heartache Tonight, by The Eagles (1979)

The nights aren’t always an Air Supply song, as this top ten pop rock night-themed lyrics song preaches about. This fast-paced and rather easy going chart-topping song in 1979 for one of the icons of pop rock music tries to beget the fact that people collect hurt in the game of love not so devastating after all.

Help Me Make It Through The Night, by Sammi Smith (1971)

Sammi Smith’s Number One country smash tune and Top Ten pop rock crossover hit is one of the quintessential tunes for a soundtrack of the 1970′s. I recall hearing this song many times from the jukebox at some greasy spoon, in the car, or via my mother’s house radio as a young child, though I had no notion what the gist of the song was about. I just thought the woman needed some comforting from a hard time, though I’d learn much later on that the comforting she was asking for was sexual in nature. This night-themed lyrics song caused a bit of controversy because of the lyrics, though by today’s standards, it doesn’t originate any waves.

Saturday Night, by The Bay City Rollers (1976)

This Scottish rock band sang one of my first favorite pop rock songs ever, as well as for the kids in the neighborhood I played with. We gladly spent our money on this vinyl jovial single. This chart-topping pop rock song is educational, too, as they spell out the word Saturday in this personal top ten song many times! But as a kid, Friday night was my favorite time because that meant two consecutive non-school nights. By the time Saturday evening came around, half the weekend was over with.

Still of the Night, by Whitesnake (1987)

This hard rock song about passionate fancy (with such ideas conveyed to the listener as a howling wolf sniffing around the door of the object of lust) is one of my celebrated night-themed lyrics songs. Its intense pop music (even the slower parts) all the way through for close to seven minutes takes my senses on a surrealistic journey.

Tender Is The Night, by Jackson Browne (1983)

This Top 40 pop rock hit of 1983 is one of my favorite tunes with night-themed lyrics in it because Browne performs the evening-themed song really smooth and mellow-like as he sings about the pursuit of cherish.

Tonight’s the Night (Gonna Be Alright), by Rod Stewart (1976)

The subject of seduction reigns in this chart-topping song of 1976, as Stewart sings ever so poetically about getting ready to de-flower some woman. You can tell that Stewart is hot-to-trot, but he doesn’t come across too strongly (unlike Whitesnake’s Still of the Night tune) as he gets closer and closer to having his way in this personal top ten night-themed lyrics song of mine.

Chart Information Sources for this article:

Joel Whitburn, The Billboard Book of Top 40 Hits, 6^th Edition (1996)
Joel Whitburn, Joel Whitburn’s Top Pop Albums: 1955-1996 (1996)
Wesley Hyatt, The Billboard Book of Number One Adult Contemporary Hits (1999)

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1 Steve Jobs Reacts to iPhone Leak
http://www.spike.com/video/steve-jobs-explains/3335358

I stumbled across this viral video and it is hilarious. This animated dude, named Steve is talking about the latest iPhone leak and it is rated r, so be warned. As a matter of fact, in order to conception this video you have to enter in your birthday to ensure that you are of legal age. It’s easy to do. This viral video is about Steve basically goes into a rant, cussing and carrying on about iPhone leaks. He is definitely not a happy camper. Watch him explain the iPad in adjectives. This viral is just hilarious! See it for yourself!

2 Internet Superstar, Lin Yu Chin Duets With William Shatner on Lopez Tonight.
http://www.spike.com/blog/taiwanese-internet/94796

Leave it to Lopez Tonight to find the funniest duet he possibly could – Lin Yu Chun and William Shatner. Surely you’ve seen Lopez Tonight, if you haven’t you are missing out. Anyways, they recently appeared on Lopez Tonight and sang a duet of Total Eclipse of the Heart, by Bonnie Tyler. I think it is a hilarious pairing, but Lin Yu Chun can really train, and he’s been dubbed the “Taiwanese Whitney Houston” by many. It’s funny because of the unusual pairing. One is a young guy, from another country, one that most people have yet to hear of, and when paired with a famous actor, for his role in Star Tear. It’s just genius. TMZ and Spike.com captured it all right here. You can’t succor but smile while watching, and it remains undefinable as to exactly why.

3 Beat the Drug Test?
http://www.spike.com/video/beat-drug-test/2941360

Manswers provides a humorous viral video that asks the question, is it possible to beat a drug test? Of course we all know the safest way to pass a drug test is to not doing drugs. There are no shortcuts. This viral video is rated r. It is just a amusing look at what people contemplate will work. The dude from NORML makes as appearance as well. I like the way they made this viral video into a mockumentary. This is the reason viral is so funny, and so now. Because you never know what myth someone will try to debunk or what groups of hell raisers will be making a scene, in the daily trip they call life. The acting is twice as funny when spoofing. If you haven’t already check it out here.

Which are your favorite viral videos?

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Dan Patrick invites Mike and Mike on air with him.
Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg of “Mike and Mike in the Morning,” the show that was Dan Patrick’s lead in show on ESPN before his departure from the “Mother Ship,” were strolling by after their show went off the air. Patrick sent his Executive Producer Paul Pabst over to the duo to see if they wanted to go on the air. Apparently they had declined but when Patrick went on the air he called them out, on air to join him.

While Greenberg declined, possibly fearing repercussions from ESPN, Golic waded honest in and went on set with The Dan Patrick Prove. Golic laughed off the fact that Greenberg elected to stand in the shadows and not come on the air by saying, “We’re going to be doing more football talk, so Greeney (Greenberg’s nickname) stays out of it.”

Patrick asks Golic, “You are not going to get in concern are you? “
Patrick repeatedly asked Golic, “You are not going to get in trouble for this are you? ” Golic laughed it off as Patrick went through scenarios of his return to ESPN for a visit. Patrick asked, “If I drove in with you in a car to the ESPN studios together would I get in? ” Patrick pauses, “Would they let me in? ” Golic dodged the question a bit, responding “If you bring me a gift you will get in.” Patrick laughed about Greenberg standing off to the side, “I have never seen Greeney look so nervous over there. He’s schvitzing.”

The Mike and Mike Show actually competes against the Dan Patrick Show for one hour. Golic also made a point that, ” We have worked together for years. We all know each other, why can’t we all just bag along? ” Golic responded to the expect by Patrick, “I can’t have anyone from the “Mother Ship” on. Why is that? ” Golic said, ” I don’t know why, you’re talking about something several levels above me.”

“I can get Michael Vick but not Mike Greenberg.
Patrick mused later, “I can get Michael Vick on this show but I can’t get Mike Greenberg on this reveal.” The pair then jokingly questioned Greenberg’s manhood as Patrick joked, “He’s wearing a skirt but maybe he’s the smart one over there.” Golic laughed hard and said, “Maybe he is, I will find out in 10 minutes.”

After Golic left Patrick laughed as he reflected, “That was awkward radio but I adore that.” Patrick then explained that the two had said it wouldn’t be a good idea and then Patrick called them out on air.

Super Bowl week media row will lead to more possible ESPN figures appearing?
Mike Wilbon from PTI also told the Dan Patrick Show, according to Executive Producer Paul Pabst, that he wouldn’t be able to appear. Although a fan called in the next day and said The Dan Patrick Show received a mention during a discussion between Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser on the decades top NFL quarterback’s.

The rest of Super Bowl week should be interesting to watch. Maybe ESPN will institute a “No Fly” zone around the Dan Patrick Show compound. Possibly shock collars, that buzz them if they approach within 500 feet of the compound. Patrick joked the next day, maybe they will install Lo Jack GPS on their talent to track them. Patrick said later he considers it a compliment that ESPN appears fearful of his show. Stay tuned.

sources:
Dan Patrick TV Show-Direct TV 101
www.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/danpatrick/

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All stories begin with an idea. Most people creative people have many ideas throughout the course of their daily lives. It is important to carry a notepad or recorder along with your person so that ideas can be written down, recorded, and ultimately remembered. Some ideas are useful, some not, but 100% of forgotten ideas are never used. So write your ideas down on paper. If you want to discard them later, then do that later but only after you’ve reread them. This suggestion goes for all stages of your short record writing process.

Plan. When you have some solid ideas, start an outline for your short story. You don’t have to know all the parts of your story initially, but start with what you have. Your plan will probably consist of some ideas you’ve been running around in your head and some that you have on paper. In your concept, be sure to include major and minor characters with some personality description, major region changes, and a basic introduction, middle, and conclusion. You needn’t draw out the exposition – conflict – rising action – climax – falling action – resolution chart that you learned in junior high, but it isn’t a abominable chart to follow if you need a backbone.

After a rough outline has been made, set to writing. Ideally, you don’t want to rush into the writing process, but there really is no tried and true method to writing an effective short story. Often, beginning writing will allow some foundations of your story to be laid. If you’re starting with the beginning (and you don’t have to), be sure to begin with an attention grabber in the first few lines or paragraphs. In short stories, readers want to be grasped immediately. Your writing should strive to do this. Be sure, of course, to also introduce sure aspects of your main character. Even in stories where the character’s identity is a mystery, certain personality traits are explored early on. Remember to expose and not tell. It is far more effective to describe the anger of a character through dialogue than to simply state that he or she is an angry person. You should also introduce some sort of complication early on in the story, depending on the length of your short story.

As you write you will likely have ideas about other sections of your short story. You should keep your outline handy and be sure to add to it whenever distinguished. Again, it would be unwise to forget great ideas because you forgot to write them down.

In beginning your story, remember the three basic modes of writing. There is narrative description, dialogue, introspection, and action. Avoid too much story description. Use dialogue and action to advance the story line and inform aspects of character. Introspection is the often-overlooked aspect. Certainly aim to incorporate this into your story, as certain aspects of your characters can be revealed from a different angle.

Stay tuned for tips on developing your story beyond the initial stages. Style, plot development, character development, and overall flow will be explored in more detail. Until then, get started on those stories!

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• 13 Tips for Speed Seduction, Flirting, and Dating – Seduction Tips (0)

There are many interesting social implications to the art of race seduction (also known as “game”). The more I study the techniques of speed seduction, flirtation, and dating, the more I realize that these techniques can be used in any situation, whether it be flirtation and casual dating, friendly encounters, or even business or work-related interactions. The arts of seduction and flirtation are the oldest in the world.

If you’re having grief dating (and we could all use some wait on with dating), here are some speed seduction techniques that will put you on the path to becoming a pick-up artist. Learn the basics to flirting, dating, and seducing anyone you desire:

Establish Rapport and Interest

–Mirroring

Pick-up artists understand that most of our communication is established through body language. As you mirror someone’s body language, it will be subconsciously picked up (by the other person) that you have the same internal dwelling (emotions, beliefs, ideas, patterns).

Remember, this is not an exercise in mimicry. Do not repeat their gestures and body language exactly, but close enough so that he/she can subconsciously pick it up.

The pick-up artist will remember which gestures express specific internal states and will mirror them to increase the subject’s level of comfort and sexual excitement.

–Maintain Eye Contact

Peek contact shows interest and confidence. It is a key element in flirtation. You don’t have to stare the person down, but make sure that they know you’re there. It communicates that you’re not too afraid or weak to be dating them. The general rule is to make as much view contact as your date or pick-up is comfortable with.

The pick-up artist lives by the 3 second rule. If you make eye contact across a room, make determined to approach and begin flirting within 3 seconds. If you think too much about the approach, then you’ve probably already failed.

The pickup artist trusts his instincts and acts on them.

–Establish Authority In Their World

In the art of speed seduction, it’s notable to let the other person know that you scrutinize and understand their internal and external world. If they bring up a subject of their interest, then show them that you’re knowledgeable about that subject. Help them discover and explore their internal world, as well.

Be perceptive. If you notice that they’re feeling a definite way (by their body language) then perhaps you can preface a sentence with “I know you’re feeling _____, and wouldn’t it be nice to feel ____ again. Have you ever felt so _____ that you just wanted to ______….” You can shift the conversation toward whatever subject, mood, or image you want (and watch his/her “state” change).

The master pickup artist will take their date or pick-up through a series of dynamic state changes in one accelerate seduction session.

–Elicit Their Values

Causing the subject to qualify themselves (example: “What are your best three qualities, besides your beauty? “) has major effects in the speed seduction process:

1. It shows the subject that you are interested in more than their physical appearance

2. Demonstrating that their physical beauty does not control you, but that you are in control of yourself.

3. Weeding out people that only rely on their physical beauty to score what they want (have no personality)

4. Displaying higher social value

5. Causing your date to become more submissive

6. Increasing your date’s “buying temperature” (their level of sexual excitement)

7. Forcing them to flirt with you more, using their strongest asset (usually their physical beauty) to impress you and keep your attention

–Elicit Their Map of Internal Experience

When the pickup artist asks about their date’s (most intense) experiences, the person will give away their keywords to recall the experiences. These keywords are linked to their physical and emotional states.

The pickup artist links those states to himself by describing his own experiences with his date’s keywords.

Pickup artists use these keywords (in combination with touch) to escalate the subject’s station, sexual excitement, and “buying temperature.”

Displaying Higher Social Value

There are several techniques in hasten seduction to display social value, but the important thing is to beget sure that you don’t come off as bragging or arrogant. Retain a humorous attitude (known as Cocky and Funny).

–False Time Constraint

Essentially, let the person know that you’re busy, have several other options, and don’t have much time to be with them. “My friends and I were going to hit the ____ bar in a bit, but I thought I’d take some time to chat up some lovely people until ____ “. This will bring your date’s automatic guard down.

–Maintain a Relaxed Posture

It is primary to control and be aware of your body language when dating and seducing. You’ve seen those movies where beautiful people enter the room and everything goes slow motion. As you walk, move in a relaxed and slow gait.

Remember this attitude: you have nowhere special to be, except for where you are, because that is where everything happens anyway.

–Use Negs and Takeaways

In the gaming / speed seduction circle, “negs” are when dating or picking up a person who is numbed to being hit on. When seducing a very beautiful or high status date, employ this technique.

A “neg” is NOT an insult; it is a backhanded compliment. It could even imply (and usually does) that you have little sexual interest your date. This raises your own social status and drops theirs at the same time. Only use a neg on dates and pickups that have higher status than you. Two or three should be enough.

The pickup artist uses negs to even the playing field, display social value, establish control, and distinguish himself from AFCs.

Takeaways are when you offer something up, and just as your date becomes interested in more, you subtly take it away. This kind of teasing will really heat up your dating experience. Make sure you leave your date wanting more, because they’ll flirt harder to get it.

Kino

Kino is speed seduction lingo for kinesthetic (touch or physical). Touching is extremely important in flirting and dating.

The pickup artist touches with broad, brushing motions, rather than pointed, jabby ones. If your date is resistant, touch areas that are rarely touched in a sexual way. Your date will have no negatives experience attached to those areas of their body.

The pickup artist always uses kino when their date is in a positive state. This is called “anchoring.” Activate this anchor throughout the date to recall that positive emotion simply by touching them in the same way.

The ABC

Always Be Closing. In the art of speed seduction, if you’re not moving for your next objective (escalating), then you’re being left behind. If you’re thinking “should I ____”, then you’re too late.

Do it already! It might feel awkward the first few times (and trust me, they can sense it), but the more practice you have, the smoother you’ll be. At that point, they’ll have no choice but to share the experience with you.

Remember: Two steps forward, One step back

Keep these speed seduction basics in mind, and I guarantee you that the art of seducing, flirting with, and dating a potential mate will be much easier. Once you master these dating techniques, nothing can hold you back. You’ll be dating people that you used to be afraid to talk to, much less flirt with. Remember, the knowledge of speed seduction is shared, but the karma is yours.

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In the following lines you will find out how to seduce a man and make him fall in love with you.

1. The right outfit

Less does not always means more when it’s about clothes. One of the hottest stars of the world, Victoria Beckham, shared to her fans some of seduction tips she uses: ‘The best method to seduce a man is to wear high heels, tight jeans and a T-shirt that suits you.’

2. A killing look

The visual contact with the target is valid, but you should limit it to some encouraging looks and a smile. One of the most frequent mistakes during the flirt is to exaggerate with the eye contact. A well directed look, doubled by a smile makes a person up to 8 times more attractive to the opposite sex.

3. Play with your hair

The contrivance in which a woman plays with her hair can affect her ability to attract a man.

When you play with the hand throw your hair, you say: ‘I’m flirting with you.’

When you keep your hair after the ears: ‘I’m honest and open’.

When you mask the face with your hair, you’re telling him that you have something to hide or that you’re shy. If you have this habit, you should control it when you wish to flirt.

4. Personal charm

Each of us has something special, which belongs fair to us. Don’t try to be something you’re not or worse, to be something completely opposite to your personality. You should value your personal charm. Take it out and let the others see it and admire it.

5. The sweet fragrance of seduction

Studies on the sex hormones shown that women are more attractive than ever before and after ovulation, and the natural scent of a woman can help her to find and attract a partner. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to program your flirt session during that time. But also don’t forget to use protection, because there is also the time when you can get pregnant most easily.

6. Choose health

The dangerous lifestyle, when things are extreme, can be considered as being great, but, in reality we are attracted by health- and seduction starts once with the skin care. A healthy skin has a huge impact, probably because it is a health indicator, in general.

7. Mirror, mirror

The experts in body language says that the mimicry of the other’s actions make him feel that there is an unconscious connection between you. If he inclines to you, you must incline also, if he drinks, you should drink too, in that moment.

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Arizona Cardinals

Key Additions: RB Edgerrin James (Colts), OG Milford Brown (Texans), QB Matt Leinhart (USC) and DT Kendrick Clancy (Giants)

Key Losses: QB Josh McCown (Lions), S Quentin Harris (Giants), and DT Russell Davis (Seahawks)

Offensive Outlook

The Cardinals offense ranked eighth overall last season, but managed this despite having the worst rushing production in the league. Marcel Shipp and last year’s second round pick JJ Arrington battled injuries all year and due to this, along with injuries along the offensive line forcing eight different starting units, consistency was almost impossible to be found. The Cardinals have since added perennial Pro Bowl running back Edgerrin James, who along with the already potent passing game should produce one of the most explosive offenses in the NFL.

Last year head coach Dennis Green played musical chairs at the quarterback position, but with Josh McCown now out and Matt Leinhart in, I have to possess his hope for the upcoming season is for starter Kurt Warner to remain in the starting lineup while also tutoring the rookie on the ins and outs of the pro game. If Warner were to go down Green would likely look to Leinart, but if this team is truly going to make a hurry at the playoffs Warner will have to remain healthy for the bulk of the season.

If Leinart would be forced into action he’ll certainly have some of the best young weapons in the NFL at his disposal. We all know what Edge brings to the table, but the receiving duo of Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin will also be very important to the team’s success in ’06. Both amassed over 100 catches and 1,400 yards last season, but it’s been consistency at the tight end position that has plagued this offense in recent years. With the addition of third round pick Leonard Pope the Cardinals feel they have addressed this scrape, and at 6’8” should give them the red zone target that they’ve lacked (Cardinals ranked last in the league in red zone offense last year).

The passing game was able to thrive despite an inconsistent running game, but if this team expects to build the playoffs consistency on the ground will be a must. The addition of James is no doubt a vast one, but if consistency is going to be achieved it has to start with an offensive line that has thoroughly underachieved in the Green regime. The entire offensive line returns from last season, but is this really a good thing? In the draft the Cards added OG Deuce Lutui to compete for the starting left guard dwelling. They also signed Milford Brown to compete for the right guard position, and he is currently slated to start in that space. The key to this unit will be for Green to name five starters before the beginning of the season and let them work together in order to accept a comfort and consistency desperately needed for a line to be successful. He’s struggled with this the past two seasons having already gone through three coaches at the position, but now has Steve Loney filling the job, his line coach from his days in Minnesota.

Defensive Outlook

Surprisingly enough Arizona was the only team in the NFL last year to rank in the top ten in both total offense and defense. In fact both units were ranked eighth overall. On defense they were able to finish this despite losing four of their top six defensive linemen to season ending injuries. The Cardinals return all 11 starters from that eighth ranked unit, and the experience and slight addition of depth should lead to another productive season.

Bertrand Berry returns to the starting lineup after missing the final eight games of last season with a torn pectoral muscle. He is one of the best defensive linemen at getting to the quarterback, and teamed with left end Chike Okeafor should make up one of the most productive tandems in the NFL. On the inside Darnell Dockett will start along side newly acquired Kendrick Clancy, and both will welcome the return of Berry, which should reduce the amount of double teams they’ll see this season. The Cardinals lost starter Russell Davis to the Seahawks, but addressed this by signing Clancy as well as drafting Gabe Watson and Jonathon Lewis. Watson has the talent of a first rounder, but fell to the fourth due to his tendency to take off plays at Michigan.

At linebacker, after strong side starter Karlos Dansby, the talent is pretty thin and this may in fact be one of the weaker units in league. Dansby, however, is very good and has shown the potential and versatility to be one of the best in the NFL. Gerald Hayes returns from injury last season in the hopes to regain his starting spot in the middle, and Orlando Huff rounds out this unit on the weak side. The starting spots in the middle and on the weak side are by no means set in stone, but no one on the recent roster has the ability to really come in and significantly upgrade the position.

In the secondary all four starters return led by last year’s first round pick Antrel Rolle. Rolle missed several games last season due to a knee injury, but is now fully healed and should become one of the more physical corners in the league due to his experience at safety in college. At the other corner David Macklin returns as well as Eric Green at the nickel position. Neither are world-beaters, but both are generous enough to withhold their starting positions due to lackluster depth slow them. Adrian Wilson will again open at strong safety looking to build on his eight sacks from a season ago. Free safety Robert Griffith is aging, but due to his experience and knowledge of the system (played in Minnesota under Green) he is undoubtedly one of the leaders on this defense.

Overall Outlook

It’s just incredible to me that a team can have both the eighth ranked offense and defense, but peaceful only manage six wins in a season. A stat like that really shows how principal having a consistent running game is in this league. The Cardinals hope to have addressed this with the addition of Edgerrin James, but inconsistency and lack of trouble and talent along the offensive line will still haunt their effort of fully improving the glaring deficiencies they’ve struggled through the past two seasons. The defense should quietly remain one of the league’s best statistically, but issues with depth will continue to prevent this unit from becoming one of the league’s elite. Opening a new stadium should also improve attendance at home games, and if Kurt Warner can remain healthy a return to the playoffs is very possible. If Warner goes down, however, it could turn ugly quickly especially after Leinart’s holdout forced him to miss over two weeks of training camp. This team is real close to looking like a playoff team, but due to question marks on the offensive line and the defense’s inability to produce turnovers, they glance like a team that may still be one year away. Prediction: 9-7

Fantasy Outlook

Kurt Warner obviously has the weapons to put up top ten numbers at the quarterback position, but injury concerns and a shaky offensive line will likely prevent him from achieving these statistics. When healthy he composed remains a nice option as your starter, but handcuffing him with Leinart is not something I’m positive I can recommend. Boldin and Fitzgerald are solid options as your number one receiver (and great options at number two), and are both worth the risk they may become if Warner goes down. Sight for both to be gone by the third round due to last season’s stats. Edgerrin’s yardage (rushing and receiving) should remain in the league’s top five to eight, but due to the Cardinals struggles in the red zone his touchdown numbers should see a decrease (14 last year). Due to his yardage, however, he unruffled remains worthy of a first round selection. Leonard Pope should put up receiving numbers worthy of a weekly start, and in fact has the ability to be one of the leaders at the state in finding the demolish zone. Due to the defenses ability to get to the quarterback, and likely improvement at creating turnovers (assuming Rolle stays healthy) they are certainly expedient of starting on a week-to-week basis. Games against the 49ers (2), Bears, Detroit, and San Diego also develop them an comely unit. Also, don’t forget about kicker Neil Rackers, who if the Cardinals red zone woes continue, will again be one of fantasy’s best.

St. Louis Rams

Key Additions: Corey Chavous (SS), Fakhir Brown (CB), La’Roi Glover (DT), Will Witherspoon (LB), Tony Fisher (RB), Gus Frerotte (QB), Tye Hill (CB), Joe Klopfensten (TE), Dominque Byrd (TE), Claude Wroten (DT)

Key Losses: Marshall Faulk (RB), Adam Archuleta (SS), Damione Lewis (DT), Mike Furrey (FS), Corey Ivy (DB), Chris Johnson (DB), Ryan Pickett (DT)

Offensive Outlook

The Mike Martz era is officially over now in St. Louis making way for the Scott Linehan era to begin. Linehan, who comes over after four years of experience as an offensive coordinator in Minnesota and Miami, should take a more balanced offensive approach than the more pass pleased Rams offense under Martz.

Marc Bulger returns as the starting quarterback after missing eight games last season because of a shoulder injury. He is a very accurate quarterback and due to the offenses expected switch to a more intermediate passing game, his likeliness to avoid injury should increase. Gus Frerotte was brought in to back up Bulger and his experience gives the Rams a more proven and estimable option if Bulger were to go down.

Steven Jackson had a productive season a year ago, but will be looking to improve upon those numbers in his second season as the starter. With Marshall Faulk now having to sit out the year with issues in both his knees, Jackson’s receptions and carries will undoubtedly increase in ’06. Jackson is one of the most versatile running backs in the league, but he will have to improve his blocking skills in order to be viewed as one of the league’s elite. Tony Fisher was brought in from Green Bay to fill the role left by Faulk, and Moe Williams, who Linehan coached in Minnesota, was also brought in to likely serve as a short yardage and goal line aid.

At receiver the Rams may very well be the deepest team in the league led by Torry Holt, who in my opinion is the league’s best. Holt’s route running ability is second to none making him a legitimate option in both the possession and deep threat roles. Holt is the only receiver to have had 6 straight 1,300 yard receiving seasons, and despite missing two games to injury last year still amassed over 100 catches (102). Isaac Bruce returns as the number two receiver, but due to slowing down because of age may have a hard time holding off the younger and faster receivers on the current roster. Kevin Curtis and Shaun McDonald both saw essential action last season and along with Dane Looker (who also doubles up as the team’s holder) make up the deepest group in the NFL.

The tight end position should see a significant increase in involvement in the offense due to head coach Scott Linehan’s insistence on using the position heavily in his game plan. To reflect this Linehan drafted two in Joe Klopfensten and Dominque Byrd, and both will battle for the starting job in the offense. He brought Alex Holmes over with him from Miami, and along with Jerome Collins and Aaron Walker gives the Rams above average depth at the situation.

The offensive line should continue to improve and currently has one of the best tackle duos in the league with Orlando Pace and last year’s first round pick, Alex Barron. Andy McCollum and Adam Timmerman are very advantageous in the interior, but both are starting to show a decline due to aging (35 and 36) and both had off-season surgery. The roster does, however, have above average depth if either of them were to go down.

Defensive Outlook

Jim Haslett comes over from New Orleans to coach a defense that was one of the league’s worst in ’06 (30th overall). Several personnel changes were made in the off season that should lead to the significant improvement of the unit.

On the defensive line they brought in the aging, but still productive, La’Roi Glover who still finds ways to penetrate and disrupt against both the running and passing games. With Ryan Pickett and Damione Lewis gone, Jimmy Kennedy now moves in to a starting role and pledges to be revitalized following the departure of the old regime. Jason Fisk and rookie Claude Wroten provide adequate depth on the interior and both should study significant action throughout the season. On the ends Leonard Little and Anthony Hargrove will be the starters, and both are above average in pressuring the passer but struggle mightily at times against the run.

The acquisition of middle linebacker Will Witherspoon in free agency should help mask the ends’ deficiency against the run, and along with weak side backer Pisa Tinoisamoa should spearhead the improvement of this unit in that facet of the game. The starter on the strong side is still up for grabs, but at this point it seems like Brandon Chillar’s job to lose. The depth here is promising starting with free agent acquisition Raonall Smith (who will compete with Chillar for the starting area on the strong side) and long time veteran Dexter Coakley there to befriend tutor the young unit.

In the secondary the Rams received possibly their biggest overhaul and out are Archuleta, Furrey, Ivy and Johnson and in are Chavous, Brown and first round catch Tye Hill. Chavous has better cover skills than Archuleta (and overall knowledge of the game) and at this point is the only clear-cut starter named among the group. Last year’s third round pick, OJ Atogwe, will likely enter the season as the starter at free safety but due to inexperience in no way gives the Rams a solid option alongside Chavous. At corner St. Louis brought in Fakhir Brown and drafted Tye Hill to both challenge Travis Fisher, Ronald Bartell and Jerametrius Butler for two starting positions. Butler is probably the best of the group, but coming off a season ending knee injury makes him no lock to get the starting nod. Brown will likely get the nod at the other corner, but the Rams best option may be to get the speedy Hill out there to learn the ropes in his rookie season.

Overall Outlook

The offense should remain one of the league’s best with Bulger, Jackson and Holt along with Linehan’s desire to bring a more balanced attack in ’06. The defense, however, remains a concern and I’m not sure the additions and changes made will all the sudden result in the complete turnaround of the unit. Chavous, Glover and Witherspoon will certainly add more consistency, but lack of talent and experience at other positions will certainly shine through (in an obvious bad way) in most of their games. Their offense and added consistency should result in an improvement upon last season’s six wins, but if it will result in a playoff appearance remains to be seen. Prediction: 9-7

Fantasy Outlook

Bulger, when healthy, is one of the best options in fantasy due to weapons he has at his disposal along with his pinpoint accuracy. He usually falls on draft day and due to his stats from last season (missed eight games) he’ll likely do so again this year. Develop no mistake he’s salubrious of an every week start, and in a sixteen game season should be a top give player at the position (despite Linehan’s promise to be more balanced). Be sure to grab Frerotte as well if the opportunity presents itself. Holt is a no brainer in the second round given his consistency, but where to take Bruce, McDonald and Curtis remains a mystery. The fact that all three should be drafted, however, is no mystery. Take Bruce sometime after the middle of the draft, the other two anytime after that. The tight end position will no doubt have an impact in this offense as well, but what is in doubt is which rookie it will be. Byrd and Klopfensten are worthy of using a draft pick on, but which to choose is yet to be determined. The defense will likely again struggle in creating turnovers, but Haslett will blitz early and often which may result in either sacks or interceptions. I’d take a wait and look approach with this unit, as it’s highly likely they won’t be drafted on draft day. Special teams have struggled since Hakim departed, and the new regime has made no primary additions to change that.

San Francisco 49ers

Key Additions: Vernon Davis (TE), Trent Dilfer (QB), Antonio Bryant (WR), Bryan Gilmore (WR), Larry Allen (OL), Manny Lawson (DL), Walt Harris (DS), Sammy Davis (CB)

Key Losses: Brandon Lloyd (WR), Fred Beasley (FB), Andre Carter (DE), Julian Peterson (LB), Ken Dorsey (QB), Johnnie Morton (WR), Ahmed Plummer (CB)

Offensive Outlook

The 49ers were by far one of the worst offenses in the NFL last season (32nd), and in fact were so bad that they became only the third offense in league history to be outgained by 2,000 yards on the season. Second year head coach Mike Nolan has brought in Norv Turner to take over as the offensive coordinator, a position Turner has been successful in in the NFL. Turner will attempt to implement his offensive come of a power running game, but second year quarterback Alex Smith having to learn another new offense may, in the end, stunt his growth at the position this season. Trent Dilfer was brought in to help tutor the young quarterback, and to replace him if the frustration in the new system begins to mount.

In an attempt to implement this power running game it’s likely Frank Gore will officially supplant Kevan Barlow as the starting running back in San Fran, but it’s yet to be seen if either can hold up to the beating of a sixteen game season. Both have been injury prone in the past, but the 49ers have little to nothing behind them in the way of big back. Michael Robinson was drafted to challenge Terry Jackson as the third down back and will likely win the role due to his impressive upside, but if the coaching staff feels he’s more needed at receiver then Jackson may be able to stick around.

Brandon Lloyd is out and Antonio Bryant is in as the number one receiver, but neither are ideal options in bringing along a young quarterback. Lloyd was by far the 49ers best receiver last season and his trading to Washington remains a mystery to me. Bryant’s signing is a mystery as well due to his penchant for dropping balls and inconsistent route running route ability. Hardly the receiver I would bring in to help fabricate the confidence of my young franchise quarterback. Arnaz Battle is a nice possession receiver, but on most teams would be a number three receiver at best. The rest of the receivers on the roster, with the exception of rookie Brandon Williams, are far below average, and most wouldn’t be on any other roster in the NFL.

At tight end, however, San Fran seems to be in good hands with two of the better options in the league. Eric Johnson, when healthy, is one of the better players at the position in the league, and the 49ers also used one of their first round picks on Vernon Davis. Davis, thought by many to be the best tight end in the draft, has astounding accelerate for his size and should provide Alex Smith with a reliable target in the passing game. Neither are great blockers, but due to the team’s lack of talent at receiver should both be on the field for the majority of the offensive snaps.

On the offensive line Larry Allen was brought in to anchor this young unit, and even though he is getting up there in age, is still an above average player and by far the best this team possesses. The other four spots along the line present major questions and going in to camp it is uncertain who will start where. Jeremy Newberry is also an above average player at center, but due to off season knee surgery may not be ready to contribute at all in ’06. Jonas Jennings returns to the left tackle spot following missing most of last season with a shoulder injury, but he too remains a mystery due to last season’s injury. If Jennings can return to his form of the 2004 season and Larry Allen can remain healthy then the left side of the line could become a nice starting point in the team’s transition to a power running attack. The rest of the line, however, remains a big mystery.

Defensive Outlook

The fact that the team was outgained by more than 2,000 yards last season had something to do with the poor offense, but it also had a lot to do with the pitiful defense as well (32nd in the league). This resulted in the 49ers becoming only the fourth team in league history to finish dead last in both total offense and defense. After an off season that saw them lose the services of Andre Carter and Julian Peterson, the two best players on that side of the ball, it’s highly unlikely you’ll survey much of an improvement in this unit in ’06.

Bryant Young is by far their best player on the defensive line, but he’s entering his 13th season and already has shown signs of slowing a bit. Marques Douglas was brought over from Baltimore a year ago (where he played under Nolan) and is a solid starter at the other end position. Anthony Adams will likely again start at the nose tackle position, and behind them is next to nothing by way of depth. Isaac Sopoaga is a decent option as a back up nose tackle, but the rest of the bench is made up of a fifth round engage (Fields), a sixth round pick (Oliver) and a slew of undrafted free agents.

Jeff Ulbrich and Derek Smith return to start at both inside linebacker postions, and both are solid options and should again lead the defense in tackles. Julian Peterson is out and Manny Lawson is in on the weak side, and the 49ers are counting on him to be a quick study and to produce heavily in his rookie season. Lawson should have no trouble making an immediate impact in getting to the quarterback, but in the other facets of the game will likely struggle do to the fact that he’s absorbing to linebacker from the defensive end position. The fourth starter will likely be Brandon Moore and provides the unit with consistency at the strong side. Again the depth is menial here, and an injury to any of the four starters would likely be catastrophic.

The 49ers had the worst secondary in the NFL last season and should be counted on to again be at the bottom of the league in pass defense in ’06 due to the team’s significant lack of talent at the position. Some young and promising talent is there to be molded, but none of it can be counted on to contribute in a grand way this soon in their careers.

Overall Outlook

To significantly improve this team needed to make a big splash in free agency as well as have one of the better drafts in the league. They really failed at accomplishing either of those in the off season, which will likely result in another long season by the bay. Vernon Davis, Manny Lawson and Michael Robinson should have their moments in their rookie seasons, but the inconsistently they’ll likely also struggle through will be magnified due to the lack of quality throughout this roster. The 49ers will probably be a better team in the ’06 season, but I have no reason to believe they calm won’t overall be one of the league’s worst. Prediction: 4-12

Fantasy Outlook

You’re kidding legal? Well seriously, as bad as this roster is, however, there are a few players you should consider when drafting your fantasy team this year. At tight end both Eric Johnson and Vernon Davis are worthy of a draft pick, and due to a new system, below average receivers and a young quarterback could both warrant starting on a weekly basis. Davis will likely go earlier than Johnson, but if Johnson can stay healthy he could have just as productive a season. Take Davis in the middle of the draft, and watch Johnson fall to the bottom rounds before taking him. Barlow and Gore may become decent bye week starters, but neither is worthy of starting on a week-to-week basis. Bryant and Battle are each third receivers at best, but at the end of the draft it’s likely better and more intriguing options will be there. At this point I can’t see any reason to draft or use this defense at any point in the season.

Seattle Seahawks

Key Additions: Nate Burleson (WR), Julian Peterson (LB), Russell Davis (DT), Kelly Jennings (CB), Tom Ashworth (OT), Darryl Tapp (DE)

Key Losses: Steve Hutchinson (OG), Andre Dyson (CB), Joe Jurevicius (WR), Marquand Manuel (FS), Ryan Hannam (TE)

Offensive Outlook

Seattle ranked second in the NFL last season in total offense and looks poised to again finish in the top five offensively in ’06. They did lose Steve Hutchinson and Joe Jurevicius in free agency, but the signing of Nate Burleson and likely emergence of Pork Chop Womack should balance those losses quite nicely. An offensive line that returns two Pro Bowlers, icluding one of the best left tackles in the NFL Walter Jones, should not be nearly as dominant as it was with Hutchinson, but should nonetheless remain one of the league’s best units.

The offense is in great hands with starting quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, who emerged last season as the NFC’s best quarterback (with McNabb injured). His accuracy continues to improve (he completed %80 of his passes over the Hawks final 3.5 games) and he should have an even better year statistically assuming Darrell Jackson can remain healthy as the number one receiver. Seneca Wallace has impressed in minimal spot duty, but due to his inexperience this team could head south quickly following an injury to Hasselbeck.

At running back the Seahawks possess one of the league’s best in Shaun Alexander, who last year became the only player in the NFL to score at least 15 touchdowns in 5 straight years, and hasn’t missed a game in 6 seasons. He was rushing for the long-term contract he received this off season, but Alexander seems to be a high enough character guy not to let that slow his production in ’06. Seattle also resigned Maurice Morris to remain Alexander’s back up, and he has become a solid option to spell Alexander when needed.

With the addition of Burleson and the health of Darrell Jackson this receiving corps should become one of the more productive units in the league. Alongside Jackson in the starting lineup will likely be 11-year veteran Bobby Engram who stepped up in a big way last season in Jackson’s absence despite dealing with injuries of his own. Rounding out this unit is third year receiver DJ Hackett and the recently resigned Peter Warrick. At tight end Jerramy Stevens returns after a career year in ’05, but has battled a knee injury early in training camp. Itula Mili returns after missing most of ’05 with an abdominal injury, but should be able to fill in respectively if Stevens is forced to miss any time.

Defensive Outlook

This unit rose from the bottom of the league in total defense (26th) in ’04 to the middle of the pack last season (16th), and looks poised to continue that improvement this season. With the addition of Julian Peterson to an already solid linebacking corps that includes second year sensation Lofa Tatupa and fellow second year performer Leroy Hill. Both continued to improve at an accelerated rate in their rookie seasons, and now with Peterson, become on the best starting groups in the league. The depth isn’t chopped liver either and includes Kevin Bentley, Niko Koutouvides, DD Lewis Isaiah Kacyvenski. All of which have the versatility and ability to produce in spot duty.

The defensive line lacks the superstar talent, but all were consistent enough a year ago to allow the defense to become the fifth best unit against the run. Three of the four starters return (Wistrom, Tubbs, Fisher) and the fourth starter will come by way of Russell Davis who was signed in the off season from Arizona. The Seahawks use a heavy rotation of four tackles to keep the position fresh, which shows the level of depth they possess at that position. At defensive end, however, the cupboard isn’t nearly as full and if anything were to happen to Fisher or Winstrom it’s likely second round pick Darryl Tapp will be called on to start. Tapp is a nice third option at end, but may not be ready mentally or physically to be counted on as an every down player in the NFL just yet.

The secondary may be the weakest link on the defense, but nonetheless is still a very solid group with serious potential at every position. Marcus Trufant returns to start at one of the corners, but last year’s other starter Andre Dyson was released by the team in the off season. Battling to start there will likely be the incumbent Kelly Herndon and this year’s first round pick Kelly Jennings. The loser will become the team’s nickel back. At free safety Ken Hamlin returns from a serious head injury, but if he isn’t ready the Seahawks acquired Mike Green via trade from the Bears. Finally the starter at strong safety will be Michael Boulware who has come along nicely in his first two seasons in the league since his move from linebacker. The starting four as I said are pretty solid, but the depth beyond Green is quite suspect.

Overall Outlook

The Seahawks are attempting to become the first Super Bowl loser in five years to successfully return to the playoffs in the season following that loss. I see no real reason they should not break this trend in ’06, as well as make a serious run at a return to the Super Bowl. Injuries at quarterback and a couple other positions would be devastating, but most teams in the NFL suffer from that problem. They again have an easy schedule, despite the improvements of every other team in their division, and will likely win enough games to again claim home field advantage through out the playoffs in the NFC. A home field this team is nearly unbeatable in. Prediction: 11-5

Fantasy Outlook

There is a lot to like here and it all starts with the league’s reigning MVP. There are a couple question marks regarding him though, given he no longer may feel he needs to prove himself now that he’s been given his long term deal and there is always the Madden cover thing. Neither would stop me from picking him any later than fourth overall, and he still should get serious consideration as the top overall pick. Hasselbeck’s numbers should be slightly better than they were a year ago (3,459 yards and 24 touchdowns), making him a solid option as your starter on a week-to-week basis. All three of their top receivers should be drafted with Jackson going as early as the third round, and Burleson and Engram in the middle to latter rounds. Stevens should also be a weekly starter at tight end and should have top ten stats at the position. Be weary of his knee issues, however, and don’t select him to soon. Mili should not be drafted, but if Stevens’ injury issues surface, should definitely be considered during the season. The defense was able to make big plays last season and I see no reason for them to drop off at all in that. Peter Warrick will likely return punts making their special teams a consideration as well.

Thursday I’ll have my preview of the AFC North…

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First, I believe that women have every right to know about this community. PUAs (Pickup Artists) are of the belief that they are doing nothing wrong by participating in the community. I believe that many of them are not doing anything wrong, but since there are so many motivations and uses of the skills learned within it, the ‘wrong-ness’ or ‘right-ness’ of their involvement really depends on each individual’s moral standards, beliefs, and ethics. Nevertheless, if PUAs are doing nothing corrupt, naturally they have nothing to hide. Therefore, I examine nothing wrong with educating women who are ignorant when it comes to PU (Pickup) and the community about it. I strongly believe that every woman should be able to decide for herself whether or not she wants to be fervent with a pickup artist and how far that involvement should go. The same way as every woman should be able to choose whether or not she want to be involved with any person whose morals, values, and ways of doing things differ from hers to an extent which she may not be able to accept. I do not think that pickup artists should be expected to wear flashing signs around their necks, displaying “PUA COMING THROUGH” in neon letters. However, if women take the time to do some reading and learn about the community, they have a much greater chance of picking out a pickup artist from a crowd. It isn’t the PUA’s responsibility to let a woman at a club know that he’s a PUA. It is the woman’s responsibility, if she cares about it so mighty, to be able to spy him as one if she is favorable of doing so.

Keep in mind that recognizing a PUA, especially an mPUA (master pickup artist) can be extremely difficult. The easiest way is to read The Game by Neil Strauss and texts by other mPUAs. They mention lines, openers, and routines which they have worn themselves and which are widespread throughout the community all around the world. Many pickup artists reach to realize that the main belief of the seduction community isn’t the openers or lines after some time studying it and understanding it. So, for example, a man who asks you a well-liked line in the community, such as “Who lies more, men or women? ” is very likely to be a guy who is just starting out within the community and has not gained the confidence to stray from the preset routines as of yet. So ladies, if you must let him down, let him down gently unless you want to possibly crush his spirit. If you’re completely against the seduction community, your reaction is obviously up to you. But I truly do recommend that if you must let this rAFC (“recovering Average Frustrated Chump”) know that you are onto his games, do it in a clever, yet un-insulting manner.

Don’t score me wrong, there will always be those who insist on bombarding a woman with pre-determined routine after routine, line after line, and they, too, can be successful if what they’re after is sex. The approaches to the entire thing differ from community to community. For example, one of the first forums I have joined consisted mostly of ‘mPUAs’ (many of them self-proclaimed) who thought of themselves as the highest beings on the food chain because they were a) men and b) supposedly knew everything about women and exactly what to say to get what they want. They referred to women using derogatory terms.

There was one case, a ‘Field Report’ (field reports are basically texts posted on the internet by PUAs about a woman they’ve ‘sarged’ – picked up) where the man literally forced a woman, his hopefully FORMER girlfriend, into sex even after she had said she wanted to wait. He said “I overcame her physically”, stated she was crying during and after and that she said no several times. He then posted it as if he was doing nothing wrong or illegal, as if she was just an object, something to write a field report about. When I replied to his post suggesting that he is lucky he isn’t in jail, several people didn’t understand what I was getting at, didn’t think of him forcing another woman to have sex with him physically as a wrong thing to do. Now, I know people have different morals and values, but come on, you just physically and mentally FORCED a woman into sex; you shoved your dick into her against her will and now you’re bragging about it on an online forum.

I left that forum a while back; it just didn’t do it for me. These people were too robotic, mechanical, too full of themselves for my liking.

I now post in a smaller, more local community forum and find it much better. Contrary to the previous seduction community giant I was frequenting, the members of this forum hold more respect for women and actually advise against using techniques and routines 24/7, especially in relationships. Now, they may not be ‘mPUAs’, but they’re sure as hell ten times more decent than the assholes on the previous site.

The point is, PUAs aren’t all after the same thing. Different people have different reasons for doing what they do, learning what they learn, saying what they say. What women need to learn about PU is how they do what they do, the why is up to each individual person or lair (a group of pickup artists working together in an area) to decide for themselves. It is up to the woman to find out what this man’s motivations are. A book won’t give you a clear cut answer. Once you learn the basics of pickup yourself, you can better recognize pickup artists if you wish to do so (and again, you could be dating one for all you know; there’s no sure fire way to know if they’re good at what they do), and decide for yourself whether or not you want to be associated with a pickup artist, as well as to what extent you wish to do so.

Not only that, but the seduction community teaches excellent mindset and communication skills that can be used by both men and women. So ladies, while you’re figuring out how to spot one and what these guys are made of exactly, you can pick up handy tips and ideas for self-improvement along the way.

If you are a woman who is just starting out in your quest for knowledge about the community, The Game by Neil Strauss is truly a must read. Not only is it packed with information about the community, but it’s also an interesting, attention-grabbing read in general. Strauss truly has a great writing style.

If you’re a woman who wants a rundown on the female version of pickup, I suggest you read Catch Him and Keep Him by Christian Carter – an e-book.

I believe that every woman can benefit from taking an interest in the seduction community one way or another. Whether or not she chooses to is really up to each individual to decide for herself.

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This study is unbiased confirming what many sex-obsessed males already know: insecure girls are easy. They feel bad about themselves and are looking for a way to stave off that insecurity, and the attention of a male, no matter what they have to do to get it, will support it at bay a little longer. It makes them feel close to someone and find. So while you’re going at it with the poor unlucky girl trying to figure out how you’ll get rid of her later, she’s feeling loved and cared about.

Another great thing about depressed girls is that they’re more likely to engage in a variety of sexual activities. In other words, you can get her to do anything you want! (Can anyone say threesome? ) Maybe you can even accept her to do a sex tape with you, so you can watch it with your friends and laugh about how easy she was to get in the sack.

So the next time you’re out looking for some tail, don’t go for the happy-go-lucky girl that’s laughing and having a good time, go for her sulky-looking friend that doesn’t seem to want to be there (her friend probably objective dragged her along). It’s just like in nature: If you can separate the weak one from the group, you’ll go to sleep feeling gay.

(end sarcasm)

Sadly, ladies, there are men out there like this who always use a girl’s insecurities to their advantage. They act a bit like vultures, skulking about just waiting for the chance to have at girl that’s down. Your best defense? Don’t go home with someone because you feel bad and want some attention, and if you’re feeling extremely down, don’t go out to places like bars and dance clubs at all. Find something that will make you happy: draw, write, work out, cook, go see a movie with your friends. Eventually, sleeping around won’t make you feel secure at all, and every time a man tries to get rid of you in the morning, you’ll feel worse than before. It’s not worth it!

And if you’re a mother with a teenage daughter, keep in mind that 1 in 4 teenage girls now has an STD. With all the images of beautiful women girls are subjected to now in films, magazines, and the internet, they are very likely to feel insecure about themselves. They may be depressed because they don’t look like Lindsay Lohan and try to make up for it by attempting to get attention from boys, which leads to sex and more sex. So it’s important you do whatever you can to make your daughter feel good about herself and to notice if she seems depressed.

So before you become just another mark on some pervert’s Wall of Shame, do something about your depression and avoid the vicious cycle of copulation and humiliation.

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